I was trying to find a photo of a woman running in a beautifully dramatic way, but in reality, if I could find a photo of me running away from what I was called to do, this would be more accurate.
It never really is that pretty. Walking in my purpose this past year has been filled with really high highs and unfortunately, some tragic lows. I’ve been taking it one step at a time, because I have a tendency to go into overdrive, forgetting to stop and smell the roses, aka not take a vacation in 7 years.
This past year, I decided to walk in my purpose, or so I thought. I’ve spoken with several different people, some who I have never shared my dreams with, and they have all spoken my dream into existence. I have never been in a situation where I have heard the same thing over and over about me. I’ve never seen so many people speak something into my life that only me and Jesus know about.
I wonder if Jesus is out here telling folks my business. If so, it could be because he and I aren’t on the same page.
Jesus: This is what I have been preparing you for.
Me: See Jesus, what had happened was…
Jesus: No, we’ve done this already.
Me: But what if I’m not qualified?
Jesus: Name everybody in scripture I’ve called that was qualified… Don’t worry I’ll wait.
Jesus: Didn’t I tell you, that if you believe that you would see my glory?
Me: Why are you like this?
This is literally how me and Jesus get down. Every single time! I get stubborn, Jesus tries to warn/encourage me, I still don’t listen, because I’m hardheaded, and then he shakes up my world forcing me to do what I should’ve done the first time. Every single time! You’d think I’d listen by now. We’ve been at this almost 30 years. I bet Jesus looks at me like he’s Iyanla about to say, “I’m still gonna win.”
I guess I get so afraid of the possibility that I am good enough to take such a major step. I am qualified to do something bigger than me. But really, I am afraid of getting to this place in my purpose and blowing it.
Reflecting on the Kinks
- I‘m continuing to work on accepting that I can really do this. I’m still not ready to fully accept that this could be for me.
- Overcoming the fear of failure is still a struggle for me. With each trial, I manage to overcome it once I’m in it. It’s taking the first step that makes it harder than it really is.
- Listen to Jesus. He be knowin.