Purpose: Running Away from the Inevitable

I was trying to find a photo of a woman running in a beautifully​ dramatic way, but in reality, if I could find a photo of me running away from what I was called to do, this would be more accurate.
It never really​ is that pretty. Walking in my purpose this past year has been filled with really high highs and unfortunately, some tragic lows. I’ve been taking it one step at a time, because I have a tendency to go into overdrive, forgetting​ to stop and smell the roses, aka not take a vacation in 7 years. 

This past year, I decided to walk in my purpose, or so I thought. I’ve spoken with several different people, some who I have never shared my dreams with, and they have all spoken my dream into existence. I have never been in a situation where I have heard the same thing over and over about me. I’ve never seen so many people speak something into my life that only me and Jesus know about. 

I wonder if Jesus is out here telling folks my business. If so, it could be because he and I aren’t on the same page. 

Jesus: This is what I have been preparing you for.

Me: See Jesus, what had happened was…

Jesus: No, we’ve done this already.

Me: But what if I’m not qualified?

Jesus: Name everybody in scripture I’ve called that was qualified… Don’t worry I’ll wait.

Me: Bruh

Jesus: Didn’t I tell you, that if you believe that you would see my glory?

Me: Why are you like this?

This is literally how me and Jesus get down. Every single time! I get stubborn, Jesus tries to warn/encourage me, I still don’t listen, because I’m hardheaded, and then he shakes up my world forcing me to do what I should’ve done the first time. Every single time! You’d think I’d listen by now. We’ve been at this almost 30 years. I bet Jesus looks at me like he’s Iyanla about to say, “I’m still gonna win.”

And he does.

I guess I get so afraid of the possibility that I am good enough to take such a major step. I am qualified to do something bigger than me. But really, I am afraid of getting to this place in my purpose and blowing it.

Reflecting on the Kinks

  1. Im continuing to work on accepting that I can really do this. I’m still not ready to fully accept that this could be for me.
  2. Overcoming the fear of failure is still a struggle for me. With each trial, I manage to overcome it once I’m in it. It’s taking the first step that makes it harder than it really is.
  3. Listen to Jesus. He be knowin.

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